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G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra

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The story follows two American soldiers, Duke and Ripcord, who join the G.I. Joe Team, a top secret, international special forces unit, after being attacked by MARS troops. Duke and Ripcord must prove that they are Real American Heroes, by stopping the launch of metal-eating 'Nanomite' warheads before an evil organization called 'Cobra' uses them to take over the world.
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sbs.com.au
As is usually the case, the seething bad guys make for far more "interesting" onscreen characters than the heroes.
August 09, 2010
Chicago Tribune
[Director] Sommers did the first two chaotic Mummy remakes; those play like Tender Mercies compared to this one.
August 14, 2009
Lyles' Movie Files
A dull, passionless take on a property that any fan could have outdone with half the budget. No Joe!
March 23, 2013
New York Times
This pricey, juiceless pulp could never have been killed by critics, simply because it was already dead.
August 11, 2009
Quickflix
Here comes GI Joe, a film so loud and dumb it makes Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen look like a Mike Leigh docudrama.
October 27, 2010
Movies.com
It's about nothing, but who cares? It's the last big action movie of the summer and it does what it's supposed to do.
April 04, 2011
Fan The Fire
G.I. Joe: Rise Of Cobra is a very throwaway experience, likely to be forgotten by the film world very quickly.
April 15, 2010
BrianOrndorf.com
Joe is the latest bloated float in Sommers's sad parade of cinematic shame...a glorified Cannon Films production with a nasty case of ADD."
June 02, 2010
Miami Herald
It's just stupid and inept, which are not uncommon traits at the tail end of the summer movie season.
August 11, 2009
Chicago Reader
Loud, shiny, and critic-proof, this franchise launcher is basically Transformers minus the humanity.
August 20, 2009
Village Voice
After a first hour that plays like a bad TV show, Sommers hits his groove with an over-the-top Paris chase sequence that, in turn, leads to an underwater finale that's absurdly overproduced, momentarily diverting, and then instantly forgettable.
August 12, 2009
The New Republic
Sometimes, a film defies conventional narrative and artistic standards so utterly that it seems unfair to judge it by them.... Consider this a tone poem in 40 scraps of dialogue.
August 11, 2009